How Does He See Things?

are you an "UNWANTED"? am i unwanted?.. yes! im talking about the times when your parents scolded you at one thing you did? so they mock to you to death! then there goes the "UNWANTED" words came out from them which you UNWANTED to hear?! yah, been there! and two words for them:"it hurts!"

a cousin of mine came to me but he really did not come to approach me, he checks on the computer if it was on so he could play but since its not, he came to me and asked for a biscuit that i was eating. this cousin im talking about is 7 or 8 yrs old not really sure.(sorry) this randomly came to mind as he turned his back going same direction he was. he is an unwanted child, an unwanted to the family, a love child. at age 0f 2 his mother deceivingly ask his father w/c is my uncle to visit her family in their place like to which as the neighboring mountains of Mt. Tralala! and said for only a week or two but never returned leaving all the responsibilities to him(my uncle). the child mostly grew up to be with my lola for his father is working. the very reason he gets giddy when his fathers at home. sad, and unfair to him. this kid is very different among all my cousins. different in his actions, his attitude that is annoying. and making him to be to be in such young age to experience the unwanted treatment. not that were maltreating him, in fact he gets a special treatment and the consideration that his a love child. but you know.. the sprout of the unwanted traits he get from his mother slowly showing up? yes! his mother has the A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E!! she answers back to my grandma, shouting at the kid, causing a scene when there are visitors!? these are some of her specialty that we don't want him to have. but now he's being a copy. in ways he's being misunderstood! i feel guilty every time im putting him down, stepping on his feeling besides the fact i know it could affect him mentally and emotionally.. or unreasonably pinching his ear for leaving his trash. i am unfair to him. we are unfair to him. we only want him to act proper. not to mention he is the literal "kiat na bata" "pabadlong" but he will never understand. this kid will remember all the things we did good or bad to him. or he will lash out at as when he reaches the stage he can! possible right? but all these are my thoughts about him. im having a feeling he won't. he's a good kid after all. to wrap it all, we love him, he is special, im glad her mom left and didn't bring him w/ her. he's my cousin. my brother. i care about him(seriously).

thinking people doesn't want you is sad, having the "UNWANTED" feeling is worse. i don't want to be unwanted! who likes to be one? no one! it is important to take the time to get to know yourself to not have unwanted feeling you get. Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible thing. to ease that, be w/ the right people that helps you be the person you want to be. be open on what you feel, at the same time be sensitive w/ others for you might hurt and make them feel unwanted. enjoy the life! either your cool,pa-cool, weird, nerd?! whatever your personality is! don't mind the negative thoughts for it will only give you bitter feeling. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you! five words to end this: "your beautiful and you loved! " :)

At My Nothingness

I was browsing to some photos when i stopped and stared to this.

this photo was taken 4 years ago, right after our graduation ceremony. looking at this brings me a lot of thoughts like, my waist line that time was 33 and now its 39, we were a friendster babies! , we eat "fishballs" after class w/c are not fish balls anyway, it was only made of flavored flour then deep fried!(no fish mixture) and we used to trick "kuya" w/c has become our suki every afternoon of the pieces we get. ratio is 1 is to 4 but we,well.. 1 is to 10! hahaha not really proud of that, now. ;p then i used to make "baktas" (walking) going home, sit on the grass, chat w/ friends while waiting for "sundo"(guardian), gossip, laugh out loud, take pictures/videos using camera phone, walk-walk around the campus and a lot more. that was HS. what struck me most in these photo is that, i were supposed to be doing this shot again wearing toga, or throwing grad caps to make it more funner! and that is suppose to be this year .. but i chose to extend it!!!!!! some of them graduated and it makes me so jealous! :'c well... couldn't blame anybody but my self. i guess browsing photo was a bad idea. wehehe